Theme Free Headline Shuffle!

[00:00:00] Oh, you've gone too far. That's probably the place to start. I suppose it is.

[00:00:35] Greetings. This is the Long in the Boot podcast, the podcast coming to you from the heel of the boot of Southwest Louisiana. I'm your host, G Long, and sitting across the way is Deb. Hello, all. How are you doing, Deb? I'm doing well, mostly well. Okay, and I hope all the people out there are doing well as well. We missed you guys last week. We did. We missed you, but it was Mom's Day. It was Mom's Day, and Mom was working. Yeah. Oh, by the way, if you'd like to get a hold of the Long in the Boot podcast, 337-502-9011.

[00:01:03] That's the phone number. You can use it. Do it. Call. Leave a message. That would be awesome. That would be awesome. Awesome sauce. I didn't actually work by myself. What? Awesome sauce. Yeah. It just felt right. Groovy, man. See, that wasn't natural. Awesome sauce came out naturally, so it was right. I got you.

[00:01:28] Yours was put on to mock me, and you can just stop that right now. Mother's Day, I was not out by myself, though. I was having you a honeydew day. Yeah. It was a honeydew day. So you were building me something. Picking honeydews. No, I didn't plan any honeydews. Oh, yeah. And if you'd like to email us, it's longintheboot at gmail.com, and the website is longintheboot.com for all your podcast needs, past and present. Yeah, there's a lot of past.

[00:01:58] There we go. There is now. There is now. And we're coming up on a new anniversary. We are. We need to get Habs in here, I think. Oh, it's about time. He's so dang busy, though. He is so busy. He's ridiculously busy. Yeah. Well, that's the youth. He is a youth still. Graduating class of De Quincey High School 2025. Yes. What good-looking graduates we had. It was all fine, and we were all nice and not sweaty. Yeah.

[00:02:26] This year, De Quincey opted to go new school. Oh, yeah. And instead of having it at the stadium, which has been tradition for many years. It was upsetting to some. Some people were upset about tradition. But we got past it. But we got past it, and what helped to get past it was air conditioning. Air conditioning. Air conditioning. Went to the Legacy Center. I had never been there before. Yeah, no. We had not been in there. And it's nice. It was very nice. It was actually very nice. And the logo, the De Quincey logo up on the screen. Stellar. Stellar. Just. Impressive. Oh, man.

[00:02:55] That was gorgeous. Shining. Shining new. Tiger coming out. Oh, it was great. Okay. So, anyway. Congrats to all of us. Congrats to all of those people. Young people. Who can now listen to the podcast without me feeling embarrassed. I don't ever remember what I said. I don't either. So, I don't think about it. In fact, I've already forgotten how I started the show. That's probably best. Oh, yeah. Well. That's why I'm here to bring you back from the brink. Well, we don't really have a topic.

[00:03:24] Occasionally, we run into a roadblock. And so, we always go and do our default potpourri episode. A potpourri. It's like an a la carte. It is. We're just doing, you know. We won't. It's podcast du jour. I don't know if we have an appetizer. Well, the show opener, I guess, could be our appetizer. Of course. Okay. We don't have a main entree is the point. But we're not one of those fancy places that, like, gives you vapor and says it's, you know, a course. Okay. No, I'm not going there.

[00:03:54] I want to feel my belly full. Today, we'll be giving you a basil leaf with a shred of carrot hit with a oregano vapor. You know of those places? Because I don't. I would never go to those places. No, that's not how Louisiana feeds people. No, you put it all on a plate. Louisiana feeds people in a much more hearty. I don't need removes. No, no. Okay. So, if we're doing. Nothing's been happening, though, right?

[00:04:23] I mean, we've been gone. Oh. For so long. We've been gone for so long. So much has happened between that. Really? I just feel like we can't hit any of it because there's so many of them. Yeah, we were going to do a headline episode, but that just. No. There's too many. It's too much. And then how do you decide? You can't. You just. Yeah. Okay. It's. You know what? I'm going to kick it off. What? Headline. Truth. Or fiction.

[00:04:53] Oh. Well, they are pretty outrageous now. Okay. Here's the headline. I'm very selective about the stories I've written. The Trump administration is offering free at-home loyalty tests. Like your COVID tests that they sent us? These are loyalty tests. Is it involved? To diagnose loyalty. Does it involve sticking anything in my nose? Well, we're not going to get into that yet. Oh. We're first. Headline. Is the headline real? Or is it. Real or fake? Or sat-fake. Trump administration offering free at-home loyalty tests.

[00:05:24] You know, he really is focused on loyalty. He does seem to be all about that. So I'm going to say real? Nope. It's totally fake. However, tools that diagnose disobedience to be mailed to U.S. households. Citing an urgent need to combat dangerous and highly contagious ideas that might lead people to oppose the president, the Trump administration began offering free at-home loyalty tests on Tuesday. The test will be distributed through the government website, www.loyaltytestkits.com,

[00:05:54] and mailed to the homes of U.S. residents. They've been described by the White House as a quick and painless way for Americans to prove they support the agenda of President Donald Trump. In a true social post, now this could be true, the president described the kits as critical to determining who was a dedicated foot soldier of the MAGA movement and who is a traitor to their country. And we know what happens to traitors. He posted something, too, on true social. Right.

[00:06:21] So you said it wasn't real, and then you read me a whole story about how real it is. And I will read his absolutely real post on true social. And remember, emphasis... Wait, are you being snarky? Emphasis will be on the capital words. That's true. America can only be great again when everyone is loyal to me, said Trump, who went on to blame the previous administration for failing to identify and isolate several strains of anti-Trump sentiment.

[00:06:49] Unlike crooked Joe Biden, the American people love their favorite president of all time, me. Go online now to order up to four test kits so you can ensure the whole family is loyal to your commander-in-chief. With your help, we are one step closer to being the most obedient country in the world. Prepare yourselves, you radical left haters. There you go. Trump deranged. Okay. And all of that completely true. No. So it's not true.

[00:07:19] No, it's not true. Oh, don't try to confuse me. If I have to play a game, I want real rules. I'm not all about this chaotic, don't have any damn rules. Well, you know... That's my problem with living right now. Well, rules are, you know... Made to be broken, yes. It's true. I know. And nothing could demonstrate that better... Stop cliche phrasing at me. ...than New Orleans. Oh, what? Well, there is a rule about jails. And the rule is that the people in them stay in them.

[00:07:48] You gotta keep them inside. You gotta keep them inside. However, recently, this past week, 10 people escaped from the New Orleans jail through a hole in the cell wall while the lone guard left to get food. And not really a guard, just an administrator. Oh, wow. So they were short a sub that day? Apparently they were, yeah. Okay. And the hole that they... First of all, they broke out... Now, they had been doing that. The hole didn't just happen because there was a... Well, actually, I looked at it. It didn't look like it was all that difficult.

[00:08:17] So they broke out on a Friday night because if you're going to do it, you want the weekend. If you're going to break out of jail, you want to at least have the weekend. Because the weekend crew is not, they don't care. And they fled through a hole that they carved in the wall behind the toilet and then scaled the wall while one lone guard assigned to their cell pod was away getting food. Some of them had been charged with murder. They're still on the lam, by the way.

[00:08:43] But surveillance footage shows the men sprinting out of the facility, some wearing orange clothes and others in white. Now here's the kicker. They had blankets with them so the barbed wire didn't cut them. And some of them had clothes waiting. Oh, so they had outside help. But the coolest thing is above the square where they got out, the square hole in the wall, somebody... Well, wait, it's a square hole? Yes, it is a square hole. It was...

[00:09:12] I think it was one of those prison toilets that has the back on it. So when they took it off the wall, the hole was behind it. That's why they never found it. Somebody took the time to write above the hole, too easy, LOL, and made a little face. All right. So now you got to rub it in their face. And by the way, they didn't notice for hours that these 10 men were missing. Wow.

[00:09:39] Not until routine morning headcount seven hours later. Okay. So another thing to have to worry about. We can't do anything. Officials say, hey, it's not our fault. The sheriff's department said we didn't even have a deputy at the pod where fugitives had been held. Well, that's not something to tell us. It was a technician, a civilian there to observe the pod, but she had stepped away to get food. Oh, my God. One of them went immediately to the French Quarter where he was immediately picked up.

[00:10:08] Well, okay. So we got the low... Now, here's my favorite. Orleans Parish Sheriff Susan Hudson said, No. No, no. It sounds like you had a defective wall and a defective... Now, here's where the conspiracy in me comes out. Hudson said she had continuously raised concerns about the locks to officials and as recently as this week advocated for money to fix the ailing infrastructure.

[00:10:37] Well, again, the locks didn't really play a huge part in this. No, they went through the wall. Well, maybe they encountered doors and locks and gates after that. So they... The sheriff's department said the hole appeared to have been intentionally cut using a tool. Oh, no. So what you're saying is it was an easy, easy gig. Yeah. That was a great one. I enjoyed that. You enjoyed that? Oh, I did.

[00:11:06] Well, most of the country knew that happened. Yeah, I know, but we talk about it. You know, that's the whole point. Headlines. You got a headline? Do I have a headline? No, I don't actually have headlines. What? I have... I have... What do you got? I've got the... It's potpourri. You can go almost anywhere. I've got the oldest recorded joke. Really? Yes. Oldest recorded joke? Yes. Since we had done humor and I had saved this story. Well, by golly... I dragged it up today for potpourri.

[00:11:35] And where does this joke come from? 1900 BCE Sumer. Mesopotamia. Yes. Okay. The land of Sumer. Yes, the land of Sumer. It's not a conventional, you know, set up and punchline kind of joke. It's just an observation. But it's the first one that was written down. So it clearly must have been something for them. Okay. Do you want to see if you can handle it? Oh, yeah. I'm ready. Okay.

[00:12:04] Something which has never occurred since time in Morium. A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. That must have been a problem. That's what I figured. They must have been gassy. Well, they did eat a lot of grain. Yes, exactly. And I would assume leafy green vegetables. So, you know, joking on your romantic partner, that's perfect. Right. Yeah. Yeah. The first one to write down. A husband and wife gig.

[00:12:32] Or, I guess, any female that's going to sit on your lap. And then he followed it up with, hey, let me tell you about those Persians, huh? No, that would be too. That would be much later. Sumerians. Oh, those Assyrians. Oh, darn. Those Assyrians. You know what they say about Assyrian women. How many Assyrians it takes to screw in a light bulb. Oh, wait. Those haven't been invented yet. All right. How many Assyrians it takes to light a candle?

[00:12:58] There's a first walked into a bar joke ever written down. And that was 1983 BCE. Wow. So, 1,983. It's not at all funny. And I just, I can't get it. Give it a shot. All right. A dog walks into a bar and says, I cannot see a thing. I'll open this one. Huh. I'll open this one.

[00:13:27] So, maybe the fact that the dog is blind and he walks into a bar. Well, he spoke. Maybe that's a pun. And he spoke. So, we've got that idea of, you know, jokes where animals talk. Yeah. So, that's pretty impressive for the time, I guess. But, no, I don't get it. I have one of those. What? A man walked into a bar with a duck on his head. And the bartender said, wow, that's weird. How did that happen?

[00:13:54] And the duck said, it started out as a pimple on my ass. Oh, I do. Random humor. Yes. Just random humor. The first, joke in English. Oh, okay. All right. Is this English English? Middle English? Or Old English? 10th century Anglo-Saxon poetry. It should be. Old English. Well. But they've translated it. Yes, I'm sure they have.

[00:14:23] Since it would sound like Norwegian otherwise. Well, that's not what I have here because I can read it. You ready? Yep. All right. What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? I don't know. You don't know? Okay. A key. Oh. Oh, you were dirty. So dirty. I knew what I wanted to say. I know what you wanted to say because you're lewd.

[00:14:51] Yeah, but then you know what Anglo-Saxon sitting around and the next guy goes, I'll tell you what, I got a key. But they wrote this one down, so if it was there for posterity, maybe they thought they, but they liked their puns. Yes. They were very punny. And the English, really, honestly, for humor, they kind of developed the modern humor. Yeah. The French were funny, but they were funny in a different way. Yeah. They were biting. Often. Yes. And wit. They liked caustic humor. Yeah, they were all about caustic wit.

[00:15:21] But they liked wordplay. They did. Okay. So you want to, last one? Okay. All right. This one comes from a 4th century joke book from Greece. 4th century. All right. It's got two unknown writers, Heracles and Filigarius. Okay. Sure. Okay. So it's kind of like a witty quip, I guess. Situational. This joke is about a haircut. Oh.

[00:15:48] Asked by the court barber how he wanted his haircut. The witty fellow replied, in silence. Oh. Mm. Mm. Ah. Mm. So shut up, barber. Yep. Don't talk to me. Like the masseuse, right? I don't want to talk. Yeah. I'm here for a massage. Oh, there's nothing worse. Maybe some people want to be chatty during that time, but I'm paying you a hundred plus for my hour. Yes. Just be quiet. Shut up. Just shut up.

[00:16:17] They're really very sensitive to that, though. I don't get very. No. Beside it very often. But if you just say, okay, I'm good. I don't need to talk. The only thing I should be saying when I'm getting massages. Oh, you like the paint. I don't. Yeah. I want. Hurt me. No, I don't. I should hear things snap. You know that in 1946, Harvard bought a copy of a Magna Carta for $27. I did not know that.

[00:16:47] They did. They bought it and they took it back. How much? $27. $27. $50. What a bargain. They took it back to Harvard Library and put it away and never had looked at it again. Why should they? Because it's maybe the original. Well, I've actually read that story, too. Did you? And I went a little further in it. There were seven. Yes. That were made at the time. Yes. So they thought this was just one of the copies. Still pretty impressive to have. Well, there were seven originals. Yes.

[00:17:17] And very few of them survive, of course. Of course. But yeah, Harvard has one of the originals. So there you go. At this crucial time in history, I think it's a little bit ironic that it comes up. Well, you know what's interesting in the Magna Carta? All people charged with a crime. Yes. What do they get? Due process. Amazing. Due process. What are we talking about? 12-15. Now, they weren't crazy back then, of course. That wasn't for everybody. That was for the nobility. Yes. You didn't get due process as a surf.

[00:17:46] Well, then clearly we're on the right path. But they were on the path. Yeah. Of, yeah, you got to have some type of administrative guy listen to the case and decide, you know, what's up. Yes. What comes next? And it doesn't take that much. Okay. You know, so due process. Due process. Look it up, kids. Novel. Is it a word you just made up? Yeah. Did you just come up with it? It's a word I just made up. Due process. It's a good word. It's a beautiful word. It's actually two words.

[00:18:16] It's not as good as groceries. Groceries. Groceries are still the best word. No. Equalize. Equalize. All right. By the way, if you didn't catch that, because some of you don't watch the news, which is probably the best. It is. I've recommended before turning that off. But yeah, apparently the word equalize, our president invented that word. Like a week ago. He just came up with it on his own. Yeah. And we were all there for it. And don't pay attention to the fact that it's been in dictionary since 1599.

[00:18:45] No, don't pay attention to that. Oh, the language. Yes. Language is a funny thing. It's a devilish thing. It is. All right. What else do you have? Oh, my gosh. There's so much. And unfortunately, a lot of it is federal. But here we go. Yeah. Don't do that. Truth or fiction. OK. Sean Combs asks for a quick trial so he can get to the part where Trump pardons him. Hmm.

[00:19:12] It sounds like an onion headline, actually. Very good. It is a fake headline. OK. However, it comes with a story. No. Oh, yes. Insisting that they were all busy people with things to do. Sean Diddy Combs reportedly asked a U.S. district court judge for a quick trial Tuesday so he could just get to the part where he gets a pardon from President. Trump. He said, quote, with all due respect, Your Honor, can we skip some of the preamble and jump to when Trump gets all these sex trafficking and racketeering charges thrown out? OK.

[00:19:44] And he also said it would really be better for all parties if they put aside any allegations of rape or physical abuse that were going to be reversed by the stroke of a president's pen anyway. Is it going to be an auto pen? No. No, no. He doesn't like. No. He likes his Sharpie. Yeah. Yes. OK. I don't like these headlines. Excuse me. Well, I like that headline. You like that? Oh, yeah.

[00:20:09] I think I think Diddy is getting his his 15 minutes of infamy knocked down by Donald Trump. Truth or fiction. Oh, no. The Department of Homeland Security has asked for 20,000 National Guard troops for immigration checkpoints and roundups in all states. That is true. It is true. Yes, it sure is. And you know what? It comes with a story as well.

[00:20:35] The Department of Homeland Security has asked for 20,000 National Guard troops to assist with both immigration roundups and checkpoints across the country. Um, President Trump says he had a mandate from the people to arrest and deport all illegal aliens and to use every tool resource available to do so because of the safety of American citizens comes first. Now, these troops would not be deployed at the southern border. They would be sprinkled throughout the country. And here's the kicker, though.

[00:21:04] If they stay under federal control, they're not supposed to be used for domestic law enforcement. Oh, you mean there's a there's a law or it's called posse comitatus. OK, it's the posse comitatus act. I know it sounds funny. Sounds silly. But basically, that's what it is that basically the government can't use troops to enforce the law. It comes from what Great Britain did during the revolution, which was enforce the law using troops. Just like just like quartering. Yes, exactly.

[00:21:33] Don't make me put them in my house. However, the federal government says, well, we'll just leave them in the governor's control. So doesn't that make everybody feel better? Federal government is going to call up troops and put them under the power of the governor of whatever. Of whatever domestic they're in. Because you just said they're going to be strewn across the country. They're not like all in one location. And they can be used for, again, domestic law enforcement if they're under the control of the governor. Oh, dear God.

[00:21:59] And since we have such a liberal governor, I'm sure that won't be a problem. Yeah, that won't be. Maybe they could go catch those guys that broke out of the New Orleans jail. OK, yeah. Well, you know, hey, there has to be a good point to it. God. Yeah, there's a whole bag of problems there. And in other news, Pam Blondie has asked that the 20,000 National Guard troops be allowed to beat anyone who looks at them incorrectly.

[00:22:30] What the hell is the definition of incorrectly? I made that up. OK. You know, but look, I was going to go with that. That's where we are now. That's the beauty of these headlines. You're enraging me. Stop it. I can't help it. I got frivolous stuff and you went all serious. Well, you know, I mean, there's just so many funny things. Well, I will say when we told people we weren't going to talk about politics, that episode doesn't get the downloads that the other ones got. So I don't know what you people want.

[00:23:00] If you're just ready to hear it and you want to talk about it and know about it. Well, you know, I mean, there's so much and it's every day. And when he gets up at night and does his rage tweets, those are beautiful. Oh, yes. Those are amazing. There's no other way to describe it. They're comedy gold. Gold. And we know how he loves his gold. He does. I saw somebody say that basically he's turned the White House into basically the Mar-a-Lago.

[00:23:29] And if you go to Mar-a-Lago, the guy said it basically was just like Trump Tower used to look. And I remember seeing his tour of Trump Tower. Everything was in gold. Was it the lifestyles of the rich and famous? He just loves the gold. I love gold. Well, that's what man does. Gold member. Do you remember the movie? I do remember the movie. I'm just wondering why you're taking it there. Best line in the movie? Good Lord, a tripod.

[00:24:00] Okay. And if you haven't seen the movie, well, you're just going to have to watch it to figure out what that joke's talking about. I don't know. Everybody's seen it. Unless you've been in a cult or you're part of a religious organization that bans you from type B movies. We'll let you see that kind of stuff. All right. All right. Let me close out my oldest joke. Okay. What you got? Oh, I don't know if you want. Maybe you want mine to be last because mine's about the future.

[00:24:29] You know, we always do the past and the future. Oh, yeah. Okay. You've done the present. Well, I've done the past. Okay. How about this? This is the future. But the past also. Most people don't know that the president, everything the president says that's in any kind of public forum, no matter what that thing is, it gets typed into a transcript. Okay. So every utterance? Yes.

[00:24:56] Anything that's public for public consumption is transcripted. Now, not his true social stuff. Well, that's already written. But that's already written. So it doesn't matter. Yeah. However, one of the things we were told before the election was that this White House would be the most transparent in history. And it turns out. They're very transparent about their actions.

[00:25:19] Well, so far, only 20% of the things he has said in speeches and interactions with the press have actually been transcripted. Only 20%? Only 20%. And strangely enough, a lot of what hasn't been turned into transcripts are those crazy things that he says in front of the press. They don't do the rants? That's the best part. Exactly. There's no reason to write anything else down except those crazy rants. Right. Actually, you know what it is? They can't keep up.

[00:25:46] They've only done transcripts for 11 of 40 speeches. Oh. And of all of the media availabilities in which Trump took questions informally, only 15 transcripts have been printed. Oh, God. So when he answers questions on the fly. Yeah. And now the first term, everything he said was transcripted. So they know, too. OK, this is my this is my yes. Oh, we're going to do investigations about Biden and how they covered up his.

[00:26:16] Well, there's an there's a interview that just became public. Yeah. Yes. Where it's really obvious. Yes. But we knew it. But here's the thing. They keep talking about it like it was a cover up. Everybody in America. Yeah. We all knew it. We were saying it. We were saying it. I don't care if they all went on every day like nothing had happened. We all knew it had happened. And it was wrong then. And it's wrong now because we're watching it happen again. Exactly. And one of the things that's interesting is if you do the transcripts of Biden, you can

[00:26:45] actually see the difference as the time goes by. That's why they're not. The last transcript from anything Trump said is March 13th. Wow. Because he's gotten crazy. Because they're hiding it again. He's got dementia. And then what are we going to have investigations when the next guy comes in and he. Right. Again. Dear Lord. I feel like a crazy person. And so. Yeah. And here's the thing. If that's the case, then we're just going to keep spinning this circle over and over again.

[00:27:15] The the idea that we have this constant war going on between the parties. Yeah. That's all that's happening. That's all that this is. It's just the power struggle between these two. Yes. Organizations. And these two political ideologies. And you've got one side that actually has a plan and the other side is running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off and don't know who it's going to. Well, remember, Republicans used to stand for small government and getting out of our lives. Yes. Well, we are having. They are.

[00:27:44] Inserted into our lives and our rectums. More than any time in history. I can't imagine. So it is kind of interesting to see that the culture war that they complained about with the Democrats. They're doing the same thing, just in the other direction. Yes. Both sides are the same. The pendulum has no time to rest in the middle. No. It's slamming into each side of the grandfather clock. We can't get to a balance and it's driving, it's deteriorating the morale of our nation.

[00:28:11] It's changed the views of the rest of the world. I guess if he wanted to be famous and have every waking moment about him, well, he's gotten it. Right. And a lot of these things you can find in videos or news sites and stuff, but they're not transcripts. So the transparency claim is another lie. Well, remember, he kicked a lot of these news agencies out. Yes.

[00:28:38] So now he's welcoming in some smaller ones, some no-name people, some podcasters. He's bringing in podcasters. But it makes it really hard for AP, for instance, to talk about what he talked about because they don't have the transcript of what he said. Yes. So they can't do the stories. Right. And so that makes it interesting that that's happening. You know, that 80% of the transcripts have not. It's a form of censorship.

[00:29:03] And when they asked Stephen Chung, who, by the way, I'm going to encourage everybody to look up Stephen Chung. It's C-H-E-U-N-G. He has the strangest shaped head. I'm telling you, he looks like a conehead. Okay. He's got a pointy. Stephen Chung. C-H-E-U-N-G. He is the White House communications director. Oh, not Leavitt. She's the spokesperson. Yes. Okay. I'm not going to be rude.

[00:29:33] They're all spokesholes. It's basically just a mouth that speaks for the president. Yes. Yes. We've heard it. Because she said crazy shit, too. In her case, of course, the problem with her is I can't stand to look at her. Yes. I really can't. All right. And it's not because of her looks or anything like that. Actually, what it is, is I can't deal with her attitude when she says stuff that she has to know is bullshit. Yeah.

[00:30:03] That's the part. She gets smarmy. Well, her lips disappear. If you watch her, it's really interesting when she's telling untruths. Because she tenses. She tenses her lips and they disappear. Yes. And she's had them done. Oh, yeah. That's how lipless she actually was. But I'm assuming her grandfather-aged husband needed her to have lips. Otherwise, she just looks like a South Park character. And that's no good. Okay. Like a Canadian? Yes. Like a Canadian.

[00:30:32] Like a Canadian. Okay. That was a little just, I don't know, personal attack. Yes, it was. Okay. I admit it. You admit it. Yep. I take full responsibility. Notice I said it was my fault. It's easy to do when you screw up. Although I don't think you screw up. I was going to say, I'm not even going to go there. We all just let that one pass. I don't need to engage everything. Well, yeah. Okay. It makes life happier.

[00:31:00] Well, you said you were saving something for the end? Oh, I was. I was saving the future for the end. Yes. But it's also the past because it's the Jetsons. Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, we'll get to them. Um, I, speaking of the past. Oh, no. Did you know that a long time ago, not a long, long time ago, but a long time ago, you could buy machine guns. Hmm. And then at some point somebody decided maybe. That's not really safe.

[00:31:28] Maybe the people don't need machine guns. That maybe we should reduce that to say one bullet per trigger pull. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Seems reasonable. True or false. The Trump administration will permit sale of device that allows standard firearms to fire like machine guns. Oh, dear. For public consumption. Anybody. Anybody. Except a felon. I would hope.

[00:31:57] No, they have to get them on the street. Like the way people learn sex. Like other dirt people. All right. Um, true. It is true. Okay. Trump administration. I got one right. Will permit the sale of these devices. Uh, the Trump administration has decided to permit the sale of devices that enable standard firearms to fire like machine guns. A move that one person familiar with the matter said it was by far the most dangerous thing this administration has done on gun policy.

[00:32:27] Why don't they just deregulate everything? They're already deregulating everything. So just take all safety precautions. Attorney General Pamela Bondi or Blondie, if you prefer. No, just call her her name. Um, unironically said, well, it was ironic, but she says the Department of Justice believes in the Bill of Rights and believes that the Second Amendment is not a second class right. Okay. Let's parse that, shall we? Take it apart.

[00:32:57] She believes that the Bill of Rights, rights, rights, uh, as I understand that word, including this one called due process are not, but, but Second Amendment of course is the most important right to her. Um, but you know, second class. That's because a gun's not pointed at her. Right. Um, anyway, she says, and we are glad to end the needless cycle of litigation, which this settlement will enhance public safety.

[00:33:22] This settlement was a lawsuit that challenged a rule banning forced reset triggers, which are basically. So they're just trying to shut down the lawsuit and to, to do that, they're just going to deregulate. Um, Vanessa Gonzalez, a spokeswoman for Gabrielle, uh, Giffords. If you recall, she was shot by an assassin, but she's lived. Um, they, they are condemning the move. Of course, the Trump administration has just effectively legalized machine guns.

[00:33:52] Lives will be lost because of his actions. This is an incredibly dangerous move that will enable shooters to inflict horrific damage. The only people who benefit from these being on the market are the people who will make money from selling them. Yeah. Everyone else will suffer. Uh, yes. Um, they first banned these things, these triggers in 1986. They were getting around it even then. Um, there's been many lawsuits by gun rights activists saying we need these. These are not bump stocks.

[00:34:21] These are basically just for, you can hold the trigger down and just keeps firing as long as it has the proper spring. Um, so there you go. Okay. Yeah. Another thing to worry about. Damn, you've given me so many things to worry about today. You know what you need? I need a palate cleanser. How about a quiz? Oh, dear God. No, now you're making me working. Yes, I am. Um, who said it? Homer Simpson or Pete Hegseth?

[00:34:48] Um, the Pete Hegseth, for those who may be unaware, um, because of his demeanor and lack of security, he is the secretary of defense. Is that the only job he has? Oh, he used to be on Fox news. Yeah. Well, drinking, drinking a lot. Duh. Anyway, who said it? Homer Simpson or Pete Hegseth? Well, here we go. Quote, I'd look around at 10 o'clock and be like, what am I going to do today? How about I drink some beers?

[00:35:17] Homer or Pete? Homer. Okay. Next question. Oh. Statement. Ah, beer. My one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. Pete. Let's check the box. Next. One beer leads to many. Wait, what? I'll tell you at the end. Oh, dear God. One beer leads to many. Leads to self-medication. Leads to, I've earned this.

[00:35:47] Like, don't tell me I can't. Oh, that's Pete. Talking about getting better or something. Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids. Homer. Okay. Does whiskey count as beer? Pete. All righty. I barely trust someone who doesn't enjoy a few drinks and won't drop a well-placed F-bomb. Oh, that's Pete. That's got to be Pete. That's got to be Pete. To alcohol.

[00:36:15] The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems. That's Homer. To alcohol. That is Homer. The cause of and solution to all of life's problems. All right. All right. Was that a 10? Hang on. Well, we know that. No, no. A couple more. Oh, okay. A woman is like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get to one. That's Homer, I hope. I'm going to drink a lot of beer and stay out all night.

[00:36:49] That's a toughie. That is a toughie. Pete. Pete. Pete. You know, you have to do this as we go. I'll go back. Because the audience. Can you just. Okay. I can't do it that way. No. No. All right. It doesn't work that way. All right. Ah, good old trustworthy beer. My love of you will never die. Homer. Okay. Two left. This is the biggest deployment of my life and there won't be a drop of alcohol on my lips while I'm doing it. That's Pete. It's got to be. That's got to be Pete.

[00:37:18] The less booze thing is not working out for me. That's Pete. All right. Let's find out. I don't feel like I did really well though. You got 67%. Oh, I'm failing. I'd look around at 10 o'clock and be like, what am I going to do today? How about I drink some beers? That was Pete Hegseth. Okay. Ah, beer. My one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. Homer Simpson. You missed that. You missed the first two, by the way. Oh, did I? Okay.

[00:37:55] Homer. Okay. I think I got that right. Yeah, I got that. Does whiskey count as beer? Actually, it was Homer that said that. You thought it would be Pete. I did think it would be Pete. You got the next three correct. I barely trust someone who doesn't enjoy a few drinks and won't drop a well-placed F-bomb. Obviously, Pete. To alcohol the cause of and solution to all of life's problems we both knew was Homer. Because we used to watch it religiously. A woman is like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get to one. Homer. You got that right. Okay.

[00:38:23] I'm going to drink a lot of beer and stay out all night. You said Pete. It turns out to be Homer. It's Homer. Good old trustworthy beer. My love of you will never die. You got correct with Homer Simpson. And these last two, you got correct. Both were Pete. This is the biggest deployment of my life. There won't be a drop back on my list while I'm doing it. Pete. And finally, the less booze thing is not working out for me. That was Pete. That was Pete? Yep. Oh, good Lord. There you go. 67%. When I took it, I got 75. Oh, okay. So you did do a little better.

[00:38:53] Well, I feel like. Well, the Achilles heel threw me off. I thought that would be Pete because I didn't think Homer would even have an idea of who Achilles was. Sometimes, you know, genius comes out of Homer. That's true. So you just don't know what's going to happen. I'm sad that we did as poorly as we did, which tells you the state of things. That's true. It really does. It tells you the state of things. I have just a little bit more news and we'll be able to start getting close to wrapping it up.

[00:39:23] Getting close. We are getting close. All right. All right. See if you can get this. True or false headline. All right. Kid Rock says, quote, America has low birth rates because of ugly ass liberal women. Oh, that's true. Absolutely true. Kid Rock said that. I was sure. He said, America is suffering from low birth rates because no guy wants to sleep with ugly ass, broke, crazy, deranged Trump derangement syndrome liberal women. That's the actual quote. Wow. Wow.

[00:39:55] He's got a gold toilet, you know. Who's going to sleep with these ugly ass broads? Broads. He used the word broads. Well, you know, he hasn't gotten out of the 50s either, I guess. I don't know that he lived there, but come on, kid. Not much of a kid. All right. Headline. True or false. U.S. military will ban men with girls names from combat. Men with girls.

[00:40:23] So a boy named Sue is a no-go. True or false? True. Nope. It's false. Oh, okay. I don't know. I don't know anymore. Then isn't that the problem? That is the problem. Hundreds of men with names Jamie, Sandy, and Alexis are all being kicked out according to a Defense Department memo. Sure. Why not? That's pretty much what I say most days now.

[00:40:50] Secretary of Defense Pete Hegg says, said, the military is less effective as a fighting force when it deploys men named Francis, Sloan, or Lauren in active conflict zones. When you're going to run to your death, we want you to have a manly name. It feels like, you know what? All these Shelleys and Dakotas are a liability. I think that would be a great Monty Python skit. Actually, yeah, it probably would. Yeah. I think that would be funny. All right.

[00:41:19] The Pentagon did say that they would not be kicked out of the military, but in fact, reassigned to noncombat roles. And of course, their pay would be lowered by 30%. Because of that glass ceiling. Of course. Yes. Okay. But none of that happened because it's bullshit. It's a bullshit. Okay. You're going to confuse? Last one. True or false? Thank God. Trump Justice Department considers making it easier to indict lawmakers. Trump Justice Department is an oxymoron already.

[00:41:50] True. That is true. Yeah. Federal prosecutors may soon be able to indict members of Congress without any approval whatsoever. Just accuse. Investigate. Yeah. Man, you don't want to get on the bad side. She says, and again, unironically, Pam Blondie has repeatedly accused the Biden administration of having weaponized the Justice Department and has vowed to remove all politics from the nation's law enforcement agency.

[00:42:19] Oh, that seems exactly like what she's doing. Yes. Doesn't it, though? You know what? They can stop talking about Joe Biden. We know how bad it was. We do. I don't care anymore. And it turns out that the legislators they would like to investigate seems to be mostly Democrats. It's weird. And did they say things? They probably said things. Yeah, they said things. They did things. And so. Okay. Maybe they'll get due process.

[00:42:48] I think what we've established in the Potpourri show is that there's a lot of, we're willing to believe a lot of crazy shit. Well, the problem is there's so much crazy shit. That we'll believe anything. Absolutely. And I've been saying it for a decade. If you tell us everything, we'll believe nothing. Like ahead of time, if I told you that Trump was going to give a speech in front of the Arabs, praising them. Shaking the hand.

[00:43:15] If he had deals with people that he just four years ago called murderers and terrorists, you'd say no. But now that it's happened. Now I believe anything will happen. Yes. Saudi Arabia. The people who gave us 9-11, Al Qaeda, Osama bin Laden. Yeah. Yeah. Friends. Friends. Great guys. Great guys. Really great guys. You know, I did see that, you know, when Saudi Arabia and Israel were going to sign a peace

[00:43:40] treaty back on, they were going to sign it like on October 10th, a couple years ago, on October 7th of that same year. That's when Hamas attacked Israel. Oh, right before. And now they believe. What did we say? I think I said it on the podcast that they did that to break up that signing of the peace treaty. To make sure it didn't happen. Correct. I don't think they expected what happened. Yeah. Clearly. Yeah. So anyway, that's, yeah.

[00:44:10] I don't even want to talk about the rest of the world stuff because that's, it's such a big. Well, it is important to note that the haka, which is the dance that the New Zealanders do, a big giant war dance. It turns out that the largest crowd to do the haka ever, that record was held by France. That was a terrible misjustice. And thanks to Conan O'Brien and Taika Waititi, director. They have recaptured that.

[00:44:39] Actor, activist Taika Waititi. They have now recaptured that and the haka because it does belong in New Zealand. Yes. They should have the record. That should be there. Absolutely. And it's a pretty cool dance, actually. It was very aggressive. To see that many people doing it together. Like if you're fighting them, you know their blood is boiling. I like their crazy faces. Yes, their crazy faces. Their war face. Get your war face on. Conan has a spectacularly terrifying war face. He does. He does, yes.

[00:45:08] Crazy Irishman. All right. Am I going to wrap up with the past and the future? Oh, God. What could the future hold in this time? Well, you know, it's always science fiction, right? We keep talking about that. You can see the future. Just read science fiction. You read science fiction. You know what's going to happen. The key is reading. Well, but this was TV and we grew up on this. So 1962, the first episode of The Jetsons aired. They were set 100 years. 1962? 1962.

[00:45:38] They were going to be set 100 years in the future. So 2062. And we are approaching. I mean, we won't be alive. I was born in 1960. You were. And you were born as well as the Jetsons. How about that? I grew up with the Jetsons. I don't recall a time when I was little. Not having. I think it was already on. Yes. Like the Flintstones. Yes. Well, that was the whole purpose. That was where the idea came from. Of course. They said, well, you know, we've got this one. We've got in the past. Now we can do the future. And for that one, we've got so much freedom.

[00:46:08] Oh, yeah. Predicting what's going to come. Well, there were five things that they absolutely got right. Well, video screens for sure. Video calls was one of them. Yes. Yes, absolutely. I always thought that was cool. Yeah. So video watch and wrist-worn communication devices, you know. So, yes, they knew that was coming. And you really can see those kinds of things. You can still tell. You can tell now. Like they're putting the little chips in people's brains. Oh, yes. To allow you to walk. Oh, it's going to be exciting. If you're paralyzed. You know, those kind of things.

[00:46:37] I want it to, like, control my eyesight. I think that would be cool. A chip that causes your eyes to focus properly. Yeah. Wouldn't that be slick? So then you wouldn't need glasses at all. Little lenses they could put in and it would actually move. But then they're also going to have lenses for the computer, for the Internet. Sure. It's going to be complicated. Oh, yeah. And we're all going to be spied on. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Speaking of that, flat screen TVs. The Jetsons. Oh, yeah. They knew. You know, they did that in Fahrenheit, too, though. It wasn't a flat screen.

[00:47:07] It was the whole wall. But essentially, it's flat. So, yeah. Pretty impressive. What else? Yeah. What else? Yeah. Robot vacuum. Robot vacuum cleaners. Yeah, a little robo vacuum. Yeah, but Roombas don't look anything like Rosie. No, not like Rosie. Rosie was great. No, Rosie was great. But she was a full-on, she was a full-on, you know. She did everything. Yeah, she did everything. She wasn't just the vacuum. They had a Roomba. Yeah. Essentially. Oh, okay. So, there you go.

[00:47:37] Tanning beds. Oh. The Jetsons saw tanning beds. So, that's kind of a cool idea. Strange. I know, it is. So. There you go. And did they have a last one? Oh, they did. They had a capsule endoscopathy. I can't say the word. Endoscopy? Yes. That were you. Well, George went in for a physical. They put a little peekaboo prober pill down his throat. And they did a whole. It checked him out. It checked him out. And then I guess he just pooped it out. Tiny wireless camera.

[00:48:07] I wonder what their toilets would have looked like. In the Jetsons? Flash fry. If they would have shown us that. Like, just burn it. Super hot. Just. And it's dust. Yeah. All right. What happens to the liquid? It just. It would evaporate. It evaporates. Yeah. Hmm. Very cool. They have those, actually. Yes. That's why I knew. So, I guess that's our idea. I didn't think it was fake when you said it. So, hmm. So, that's what the Jetsons must have had. Obviously. We just never got to see it.

[00:48:36] Because it was the 1960s. And people didn't go to the bathroom. Didn't talk about the bathroom. People didn't go to the bathroom. They didn't sleep in the bed with their spouse. No. They didn't say, I'm pregnant. Well, no, no. Lucille Ball fixed that. Well, she said she had a bun in the oven. They said everything but. But it was because of all of that hubbub. Yes. That it finally changed. Yes. Yes. Like, move into the damn future. Thank goodness. That you can now say pregnant. Yes. She's got a baby in her belly. She's knocked up.

[00:49:07] Oh, the freedom of living now. Oh, but. Wait. Wait. Yeah. But luckily, we've got the Bill of Rights. There you go. And the Magna Carta. I guess I've got to go buy one of those triggers now. Because I want a machine gun. Oh, you stop that. Nobody needs that. Well, actually, now I say that. But the balance side of me goes, maybe you do need that. I watch Criminal Minds. You know, machete's just as good. Our evening palate cleanser of a Criminal Mind episode. Yes. Yes. Because you want to be prepared for anything.

[00:49:37] Well, because the rookie's done. We've got no rookie. Yes, I know. We're waiting for a bunch of good stuff, though. Yes. We've got Murderbot. Murderbot is out. On Apple TV. Love Apple TV. Enjoyable. My God, they do some good work. They do. They do. All right. There's your plug for Apple TV. That's right. You also know that you need to try to find your balance in life. Yes. Things are out of whack, so try to find your own. Yes. Don't be excessive one way or the other. Oh, and maintenance. And maintenance. And maintenance. Everything is maintenance.

[00:50:06] Every damn thing we do is maintenance. That's right. But your joy, that, you take that with you. It's portable. There you go. Well, that's a nice message. Y'all enjoy your week. Yes. And we'll see you in two weeks. On summer vacation. That's right.